In my last post, I wrote about my deteriorating health. I’ve been trying to understand what changed. (To my friends demise, I still have not gone to the doctors haha)

I worked more hours a year ago. I take better care of myself now: sleep, training, food. That doesn’t rule out overwork, but it’s made me question what else is weighing on me.

I keep coming back to my frustration with Spotlight.

An eighty-hour week used to change the company. We were broke, couldn’t afford help, and had to figure everything out ourselves. It was exhausting, but I could see what the exhaustion bought.

Now we have more resources, yet I often finish a week feeling like we haven’t moved far enough.

Spotlight exists because we went all in. I keep telling myself we need to do it again. But the first time, failure would have left us roughly where we started.

Now there’s something to lose.

Reinvesting profits sounds obvious until the money is sitting in your account. Making bigger bets sounds exciting until you imagine watching years of earnings disappear into things that don’t work.

I’ve realized what’s truly wearing me down is the constant conflict between what I want and what I’m willing to do to get it. I want Spotlight to grow, but I’m hesitant to risk what we’ve built. I haven’t made peace with either choice, and I carry that tension even when I’m done working.

There are so many frameworks (regret minimization by Bezos, 10-10-10, etc.) but honestly I still haven’t been able to decide. If you have any thoughts on this, would love to hear how you make comparable decisions (i.e. switching careers, going back to school, etc.)?